EDIT: I figured it out already. Thanks for letting me post, it genuinely helped. I want to leave this up in case anyone else can relate to it. /edit Hi, everyone. I've been having an identity crisis over the past week or two and it's been affecting my health. Talking out my thoughts with others seems to be helping, so I would like to share my thoughts and am hoping some of you with more experience could offer some advice, or just help me talk through this. For context, I'm 35, came out 6 years ago at age 29, first identified as FTM and soon afterwards non-binary trans-masculine. I socially transitioned with pushback/little support and changed my name. I've felt like I'm not a girl and questioned whether I was a boy since I was 4 or 5 years old. I live in the US. When I first came out as FTM, I was blissful. Everything clicked into place, but I felt more alive and more grounded than I'd ever felt in my life. It shook me that I'd never felt this joyful until I was about 30. I wanted it to last forever. I felt another definite "click" when I read up on butch lesbians a few weeks ago. So I've been thinking I could be a late-blooming lesbian with some serious repression and internalized homophobia to work through. I've been bi this whole time but recently realized I was still very afraid of seriously dating a woman. I grew up in a homophobic, very conservative, and traumatizing household. I'm not sure why I'm now so distressed that I can't eat or sleep. I think I know myself better than I used to, and that should be a good thing. I might not need surgery or T after all, which is a relief from the seesaw I've been on. Sometimes, I'm still pretty freaked out by how squeaky my voice is and how round my face is, so the option to temporarily go on T until my voice breaks is enticing. Non-binary people have done that. But I'm worried about the other effects it will have on my body. My hormones are already getting out of whack due to age. I'm also a singer and am playing roulette with the future of my music. I've also been extremely pissed off at, not the entire trans community because it has some genuinely good and helpful people, but some part of it. Maybe this is where most of the distress is coming from. I called it a "cult" before I knew other people did. I know it's not really a cult, but I feel like I've been duped by people with ulterior motives. I thought I was smarter than that; I prided myself on being skeptical. I'm pissed that I was led on but also embarrassed for being so stupid...everyone keeps going on about how they're converting "the kids" and I'm far from a kid. "You don't know if you have internalized transphobia stopping you from transitioning. You could have it and not know. You should just transition." This taught me not to trust myself, because I can't know myself. "We all doubted ourselves in the beginning, too, but transitioning worked for us. So you should just transition." This taught me not to trust my intuition. Doubt was unreliable, and possibly transphobic. "Anyone who disagrees with us is transphobic or old-fashioned, don't listen to them!" This taught me that during my research, anything that didn't match what the "good people" said was from the "bad people" or simply outdated, and not to be trusted. Of course nobody wants to cause harm to others or play for the wrong team, so I listened. "In the past, we had to memorize scripts and lie to get the hormones and surgery we needed because the medical community is so transphobic that they want to oppress us!" I learned that I was hated and feared by an oppressive majority, and anybody who spoke contrary to what I told by the right and proper side was not to be trusted. "Cis people don't question their gender. Cis women like being women, even if they don't like gender stereotypes associated with it." Fucking allies supported this statement. Because I have always questioned my gender, the only logical outcome of this was that I must be trans. When J.K. Rowling shared her essay and that she more or less hated being a woman but was still a woman, my whole foundation broke apart. Before Rowling, the seed of doubt was planted when I got censored and reprimanded on a forum for sharing a link to a detransition site even though it was exactly what the asker had requested. How dare I share information from terfs! Didn't I know they were the enemy? Didn't I know detransition made us look bad to the conservatives who were taking our rights away? So now that I'm here, I feel awful, like the people I once related to think I'm evil and don't deserve to live. I always felt that pressure to not wind up being "actually cis" too, or I'd be viewed as an oppressive traitor. You know, how they say "it's ok if you decide you're actually just cis" but it didn't really feel like it was ok. And I don't think I'm "cis." As I've slowly unpacked all this BS and shed the distress that came with it, I've just gotten so angry. I've questioned whether I really am trans in the end, because I don't know who or what to trust anymore. I legit shortened this as much as I could and it's still a novel. Thanks for reading, and please let me know your thoughts if you have any.
Binary Options Recovery: Scammed Traders, Fake Brokers, and Funds Recovery
Following the “permanent temporary” measures against binary options and CFDs (contract for difference), the body in charge implements its own set of limitations that simply forbids regulated houses to offer such product in the UK, hence increasing the risk of pushing retails traders towards illegal brokers and outright scams. Fortunately, a new solution is now available to UK traders via a new United Kingdom Financial regulatory ruling. More scrutiny from UK banks about financial transactions, even to binary optionsIn short, banks will have to take more responsibility about the financial transactions they facilitate. This new ruling should lead to the creation of a new code of conduct that will help defrauded people to have their funds recovered by their bank, unless it is proven they acted recklessly. As a popular Financial blog puts, it, “It is likely that should a bank or credit card company be either impersonated by a fraudster in order to gain money, or trick a client into depositing, and the bank allows the transfer, a client will be able to take recourse. The broad protection should kick for many online scheme and scams, whether it is fake investment companies, fraudulent binary options brokers or those scammers who promise to help you recover your stolen funds…only to steal from you once again. On the other hands, it means the banks will be more likely to forbid transactions to legit businesses, such as reputable cryptocurrency exchanges or honest smart options platforms. The regulating bodies and financial institutions are taking a number of measures to prevent financial fraud. Binary options trading, in particular, is being controlled with a greater degree of robustness to protect the unwary general public being drawn into a situation where they suffer financial losses. Many hundreds of people around the world are targeted each day. ![img](prwn4ha2ecf51 " ") Frequently they are novice investors who are unfamiliar with the markets and do not recognize that the so-called trading platform and its way of working are actually bogus. The individual only realizes the extent of the fraud when eventually when the fraudsters finally decide that there is no more money to be had and shut down the account and promptly vanish without trace. Spotting Fraudulent Binary Options Broker Some lawyers in the financial fraud division are very familiar with the pattern of behaviour demonstrated by the fraudulent brokers and the distress caused by their dealings with inexperienced investors. There is a track of record of recovery in relation to financial fraud and has a number of strategies and tactics to compel the fraudulent broker or associated financial service providers to restore funds to those who have been deceived. Needless to say, the fraudsters are accomplished at hiding their tracks and frequently there are myriad inter-connected limited liability companies, often some are registered in different countries, with some dormant and some active. It is hardly surprising if the complexity of the situation results in a failure to discover a single person who can be challenged and held accountable. However, there are various channels financial fraud lawyers use when attempting to retrieve money for clients and each avenue is investigated. Whilst an individual may be alarmed and confused at the prospect of navigating through the complex structures that have been deliberately set up to confuse, Financial fraud lawyers are usually quite familiar with strategies fraudsters use, and frequently can steer a course to the recovery of some or all of the lost money. https://preview.redd.it/daa505b3ecf51.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b27aa7697b0bf1afbd238964166ce40c693db2e3 The step of last resort, legal action, is understandably daunting for a person who often has lost significant amounts of money to the fraudulent brokers. It is fully understandable that such a situation will leave the victim decidedly risk-averse. There have been experiences with class actions against the fraudulent brokers and has developed links with litigation funding organizations in order to offset the risk in respect of class actions. The lessons that can be drawn from the experiences of those individuals who have had the misfortune of losing their investments to fraudsters are to be extremely cautious. Always consider every offer or investment for at least 48 hours before making a decision, a genuine broker will understand the caution that a new investor will view a proposition. All investments carry a risk and anything that promises a return on your initial investment seems to be significantly higher than normal it is almost certainly not to be trusted. Do not allow yourself to be hurried into a decision, it is highly unlikely that an authentic broker would try to rush you into an investment, especially if you demonstrated reluctance; their reputation would suffer by such behaviour. You can now recover all money lost to bitcoin, binary options, cryptocurrency, investment, scam by hiring any one of these Verified Wealth Recovery Experts. To recover money lost to binary options, forex, bitcoins, cryptocurrency, and investment, get all the information you need here; https://bitcoinbinaryoptionsreview.com/binary-options-uk-scammed-traders-fake-brokers-and-funds-recovery/
[Usability Discussion] Which tiling window manager do you find yourself most productive in and why?
I left the tiling world for quite some time. I basically took my newfound love of i3-style shortcut keys to GNOME and KDE. That kept me content for a good time. But after watching more of Luke Smith and Distrotube, I kind of want to get back on the horse. My previous tiling window manager of choice was i3 (or i3-gaps). Straightforward config. Seemed to do what I needed at the time. Doesn't seem to support other unique tiling layouts though such as mastestack or binary tree (although you can do sort of similar things with some hacks). StumpWM seems cool to me. I know common lisp and love it. I'm an Emacs user. Only thing I want to explore more is their "non minimalist" philosophy. Which makes me think it's a larger codebase, maybe more room for problems to happen / more bugs. Idk. XMonad is pretty sweet. Only thing is I know I have to learn Haskell deeper to actually use this to its fullest. I recommend watching this video on Haskell btw! Hilarious and informative. DWM is cool simply because it's configured through C patches and it's clearly the most minimal option. Those are really my top considerations as an alternative at the moment. I kind of want a legit programming language as configuration. I think my biggest need is the flexibility of different tiling styles - mastestack, binary tree, whatever i3's default is called. Pretty obligatory to link to the Comparison of tiling window managers ArchWiki page in this thread. So, to sum up:
What tiling window manager have you settled with and feel most product in?
Most f the reviews we tend to have come back across reveal that the Cryptp soft platform is easy to Their client service is very efficient. We did a live check and confirmed that they respond at intervals a moment. Moreover, they are available 24/7. The Cryptp soft app is secure. They need all the mandatory measures in place to make sure data privacy. The Cryptp soft System is considered by several among the most effective robots within the market nowadays. We have a tendency to realize this robot to perform virtually the same with Bitcoin Rush, another top bitcoin robot. Read the review of Bitcoin Rush for more data? Cryptp soft registration method is straightforward, easy, and secure. You only want but 10 minutes to form an account and begin trading. Cryptp soft is a absolutely auto bot and is so accessible to everyone. https://preview.redd.it/giu6kclgfnn51.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f605d84ba2174f831ca825dbaffddf061b3a55b5 You do not want to perceive trading lingo to use Immediate Edge. The following steps can get you started with this robot. STEP ONE: Fill the Signup type Visit the Cryptp soft home page and register your name, phone number, and email in the provided kind. You will be asked to verify your phone variety via a text code and email through a link. CryptoVibes will ascertain that the Cryptp soft registration process is secure. Their web site is SSL secured to confirm that hackers cannot steal personal information submitted through it. Cryptp soft cyber safety policy states that they're GDPR adherent. This suggests that they handle your knowledge with strict privacy. STEP TWO: Get matched with a broker The Cryptp soft Software then matches you with one in every of their partner brokers. The role of the broker is to receive deposits and facilitate transactions. We have a tendency to have determined that Cryptp soft only partners with regulated brokers. With a regulated broker, they guarantee that your cash is safe. Reputable regulators such as the FCA, FSB, ASIC, and CySEC need brokers to segregate deposits and submit periodic reports on deposit usage. You wold like a deposit of a minimum of $250 to trade with Immediate Edge. Do not confuse this quantity with the value of the robot. Cryptp soft does not need any license fee. The house owners of this robot build money by charging a small commission on the profits generated through the app Deposits with Cryptp soft should be created through Wire Transfer, Visa, and MasterCard. It takes a few seconds for a deposit to reflect in an exceedingly trader’s account. Cryptp soft does not charge any deposit fees. The Cryptp soft does provide a demo account to help traders familiarize themselves with its web-trader. CryptoVibes recommends that you are doing demo trading before going to live to trade. Please note that the demo is for demonstrative purposes solely. The results you receive on the platform are primarily based on historical information and could therefore not mirror what you'll get in live trading. The Cryptp soft live trader comes with features to help you outline the amount of risk you are willing to require per trade. You wish to go through the demo account to familiarize with these features. As mentioned severally in this review, you do not want specialized skills to use this robot. Live trading with Cryptp soft involves determining the quantity of capital you plan to risk per trade and clicking the live button. Scan our review of Bitcoin Trader for one more straightforward to use the robot. *Remember all trading risks and you shouldn’t risk more then you'll be able to afford to lose. How to get the most out of Cryptp soft App We have identified the following tips as paramount in guaranteeing that you make the most of Immediate Edge. Begin with a deposit of $250 – Given the level of risk involved in trading with Immediate Edge, you should start with a tiny investment. Follow crypto market news – You need to determine the type of reports that drives volatility high and capitalize on them. Cryptp soft claims to form the foremost profits throughout high market volatility. Trade for eight hours per day – In keeping with Immediate Edge, trading for at least eight hours per day can help maximize profits. Cryptp soft is entirely auto, and hence you'll be able to leave the robot running as you continue together with your daily errands. You are doing not want more than twenty minutes per day to observe your account. Close trading sessions at the tip of the day – Leaving open positions overnight is doubtless to translate to losses since the markets can change considerably overnight. It is better to shut sessions even if in the negative and start trading again the subsequent day. With a correct risk management strategy, there is no would like to fret concerning periodic losses. Following our review we tend to realize Cryptp soft to be legit. But, traders ought to take additional caution, provided that this bot comes at a degree of risk. Whereas the app claims it's potential to form profits of up to 50percent per day, you'll be able to additionally lose the complete deposit inside seconds. This is often not sudden for a high-frequency trading robot. We recommend that you just apply the required risk management measures. As a rule of thumb don't risk more than 10percent of your trading capital per trade. Also, never trade with an amount you cannot afford to lose. It is prudent to start small and add cash as you get conversant with the various features on the platform. Recently, a brand new trading software was added to the bitcoin investment trade. This software is termed Cryptp soft and it is allegedly created by a corporation or organization called the International Council for Bitcoin. There is additionally a letter out there on their web site that has been signed by someone named David. This person claims to own earned over 1,000,000 as a results of investing in bitcoins. What’s very shocking concerning this letter is that David claims to have earned that huge quantity in just one trade. If we have a tendency to place it in simple words, David became a millionaire overnight. We tend to highly doubt that a trading system that has been launched recently will have such potential. To verify the main points of this software and to determine its legitimacy, we have a tendency to conducted our own research and investigation. Cryptp soft is a bitcoin trading software that’s meant to assist newbie traders get involved in Cryptocurrency trading with less risk than ancient investment opportunities. Cryptp soft software was created by The International Council For Bitcoin who is PRO Bitcoin trader Group behind the Cryptp soft software. Notice out all concerning Cryptp soft software by The International Council For Bitcoin. Cryptp soft Software may be a nice development by a famous, well established and experienced bitcoin trader Investors with a viewpoint to enable traders to perform different tasks with ease and convenience. https://preview.redd.it/uuh85yghfnn51.png?width=1238&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0558e6e123114b6624d5a724b3b9b5983e717e1 Cryptp soft Software is essentially a Binary choices trading software that is designed to assist traders win and predict the Binary options trend of their respective choices. Cryptp soft APP works as a code to urge financial success, shows traders how they'll make money on-line, helps them to find different ways in which to induce huge returns on their investment. The Cryptp soft Trading Software additionally provides analyses of Market conditions so that traders will recognize what ought to be their next step. Cryptp soft System gives secret cryptocurrency ways that ultimately help binary traders to create thousands of greenbacks solely for some bucks. Several individuals can say that Cryptocurrency Trading may be a risky business and tend to remain faraway from it. But from my expertise, high volatility means HIGH RETURN OF INVESTMENT in Crypto Market. But this can be where the Cryptp soft comes into play, the mathematical algorithm used by Cryptp soft Software takes the guesswork out choosing a winning profitable trade. You don’t must be an expert. Like I said earlier, I actually have personally tested the Cryptp soft and found the success rate is about ninety sevenpercent. I don’t apprehend concerning you, but a ninety seven% probability of earning a profitable trade is TERRIBLY GOOD! I’ve never come across something like this trading software before. Keep reading, below are my Cryptp soft results for the past week or so… Watch over the Shoulder of a Professional Each Day and you'll be able to learn as you trade. Averaging 97% Winning Weeks With Cryptp soft— which suggests that more potential profits for you Cryptp soft Software Are Fully Transparent No previous experience with binary choices trading required Web-based mostly, no need for downloads, additionally works on phones, tablets You'll be able to Even Watch Cryptp soft Signals From Your Phone (iPhone Users — Photon Browser) If you are ready to begin making cash online with an on the spot edge, there has never been a better chance than currently. If you enjoy surfing the web for countless hours trying for the next Trading Method Secrets, never being able to urge centered, being overloaded with conflicting information, and not creating cash on-line, you ought to probably leave this page right now and get back to that Cryptp soft System strategy Cryptp soft bot could be a new cryptocurrency trading invention that comes with options that create this software stand out among others. It is conjointly an automatic trading platform that uses a smart program algorithm to detect favorable trading opportunities. It acts on its own or waits for a prompt command from the user depending on the software’s settings. But what makes this software unique and a favorite to individuals is what we have a tendency to shall unveil in this review. There have been lots of unverified claims of how totally different cryptocurrency software have helped several people to make massive profits leading to Scam individuals. However, it's pertinent for cryptocurrency traders to verify if a particular trading software may be a scam or legit, which is also ? After subjecting the features of the Cryptp soft bot software to a series of tests, the software isn't a scam however legit. The Cryptp soft bot is believed to have successful rate of 85%, that is a lot of than the 80percent benchmark for average software. The Cryptp soft bot has helped cryptocurrency traders to make sensible profits, which has been documented as testimonies on the software’s website. Trading on the platform is straightforward and might not require experience. We had to verify the simplicity of the software, and we tend to discovered that the software is easy to navigate. The demo trading feature of the software makes it potential for brand new users to hold out trading activities in an exceedingly simulated atmosphere while not having to risk their investment. This any gives credence to the legitimacy of the software because it ensures that new users get accustomed to the features of the software before continuing to measure to trade As earlier stated, the Cryptp soft bot could be a high-tech program software that comes with exceptional options that makes it among the simplest cryptocurrency trading software in the blockchain market. The outstanding features of the Cryptp soft bot embody the subsequent: https://www.cryptoerapro.com/cryptosoft/ http://www.cryptoerapro.com/ https://twitter.com/cryptoerapro https://www.instagram.com/cryptoerapro/ https://www.pinterest.co.uk/cryptoerapro/
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TIK TOK courses
30.Rachel – The TikTok Academy
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EBAY and AMAZON courses
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Immediate Edge Review, Is Immediate Edge SCAM Or Legit Trading App?
Immediate Edge Review: Is This Crypto Robot Legit or Scam Immediate Edge Review and investigation 20twenty. The Immediate Edge app is a crypto, forex and choices trading robot utilized by folks to automatically obtain and sell Bitcoin and create profits. Wanting at the website, many people claim it helped them move from rags-to-riches trading Bitcoin. Further, some claims linked it to Ronaldo and Sir Alex Ferguson https://preview.redd.it/rttn3i4hohm51.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f0dc345c3ace4032d571d44fabe356f13ff1a33 Is Immediate Edge app legit or scam? Whereas the claims of its linkage to the higher than celebrities are unverifiable, we tend to can verify that the app is not a scam and permits individuals to trade Bitcoin using the Fibonacci strategy with ten minutes time frames The app, that allows people to deposit at least $250 through mastercard and Sofort, scores 88% rate and a 5 stars as a real software Since there are several scam cryptos, forex and options brokers who trick individuals to depositing money, and then they run away with the funds, we have taken time to review this software to determine if it is real or a scam. Is Immediate Edge scam or legit High success rate is reported by users with this software. The Immediate Edge web site provides truthful claims about the service though it will not mean the crypto trading risks are eliminated with its use. Customers should start with the minimum investment and increase it when satisfied with the utilization of the app. Click the link to access Immediate Edge official web site or keep reading to understand more This software will not seem to be a scam and users report that it helped them make real money trading on it.b site What is Immediate Edge App? Immediate Edgecould be a robot or auto-trading software that allows folks to trade forex, crypto and binary choices. A user deploys the algorithm-primarily based bot, which relies on a trading strategy that's automatically executed on a broker trading platform once deployed. The strategy is coded or set like to permit the user to automatically get and sell crypto, stock or choices on the broker platform at favorable prices, to form profits. It can do automatic market analysis by analyzing a vast amount of knowledge from completely different sources, at intervals seconds and with high accuracy, then use the data to predict the costs. It can then come up with a transparent buy or sell tradable signal and then execute it automatically by shopping for and/or selling on the broker platform. The software can, therefore, save a trader thousands of manual hours and labor they might have spent analyzing information to form trading choices and to follow the markets and to position and close trades. You conjointly do not want to understand anything concerning crypto, stock or option trading to use this auto trading app, although it is suggested to possess this information to keep improving on trading. Trading bots will achieve high success rates of more than 90p.c and have been tested to work. You may be searching for Immediate Edge scam but the website can tell you that you can expect to earn between $950 and $a pair of,two hundred per day using the software but that depends on your expertise. As a newbie, you'll not start making that a lot of immediately and conjointly it depends on how a lot of you invest. With an investment of $250, you'll be able to expect to form a lot of lesser although some people claim to own made $12a pair of in a very few hours using this software. That will not mean Immediate Edge is error-free. There still is a heap of unpredictable high volatility in crypto and bots will make mistakes and errors to create losses. Auto trading robots are better employed in combination with manual trading strategies. https://preview.redd.it/1zkt9v3johm51.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85f7e7f5d0e9d6b60b4a8a6e37bb344dbbb8305c Immediate Edge Review How will Immediate Edge work? All a user has to try and do is join up at the Immediate Edge web site, then deposit funds to have access to the robot, when which they can begin trading by switching on the bot. It will would like no control or intervention from humans, beyond beginning and stopping it. You additionally need to stay checking, daily, to observe the performance of the software in doing its job and ensure that it is earning any returns needless to say. From there, you can confirm whether or not to extend or decrease your investment towards crypto, options or stock trading using this robot. You'll be able to also monitor performance to be ready to regulate the trading settings from your dashboard and optimize totally different features of the trading bot for instance set amount of trades or amount to invest in every trade. Founder of Immediate Edge In line with the Immediate Edge website, this trading bot was founded by Edwin James. Reportedly, he created billions with forex, crypto, and binary options trading and still shares his strategies on the way to trade the assets on the app. He founded the app to create it potential for brand spanking new traders to create cash in less than 3 minutes of signing up. How to sign up on Immediate Edge: Registration: Registering or signing up on the website is free but to start trading, you want to deposit no less than $250. You discover a registration type on the top right of the page, on that you type in your email, full names and phone numbers and country code. Create a password to be used for logging in later. Deposit funds: Depositing funds allows you to connect to a robot broker and then you'll begin the bot to start out trading. You'll deposit with Visa, Wire Transfers, Klarna or Skrill. The currencies supported are Swiss Franc, British Pound, US Greenback, and Euro and using a credit or debit card limits deposits to less than $/£/€/?10,00zero in one day and $/£/€/?40,000 in an exceedingly month. Immediate Edgeisn’t licensed to handle your funds, it works with brokers to handle the cash once it's deposited. Demo trading: Relying on the broker you're connected to, you can begin to practice trading with the Immediate Edge software. Some brokers do not have this feature on their platforms. Still, with the latter, you can test their options before you deposit cash to try and do live trading. With the demo options, you'll be able to familiarize yourself with the trading house before beginning to use real money to trade. Trading: Before and when you've got switched on auto-trading, you would like to check the trading settings daily. You'll regulate some things including stop-loss orders and when to try to to them, amount to speculate per trade and how several trades to try to to per day. You'll be able to also choose that cryptocurrencies to trade, and you'll be able to select all the most in style ones together with Bitcoin and Ethereum. You also get to observe the profits/losses and decide if to continue and/or when to prevent. https://preview.redd.it/c9scw5fkohm51.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d127be2887c4c8960023a8cf1b1f55297dbf250 Withdrawals, user verification, cost of using the app and alternative options The payouts or withdrawals are made by filling letter of invitation type on the funds’ management page and it can take two operating days to replicate in your checking account. No fee is charged on withdrawals. You'll withdraw your cash including the capital while not a lot of problem on this app, that is better than several that don't enable withdrawals at any time While some bots need verifications by asking for your ID and statements, this one will not. You are done once uploading your payment details. The bot charges a commission on profit. Besides, you get twenty fouseven client support on Immediate Edge Immediate Edge may be a legit, secure, user-friendly trading application for crypto, stocks, and choices. It has a zealous customer service and reports a high success rate. Another smart robot we have recently reviewed is Bitcoin Professional We tend to hope that this review helped you to make a decision concerning this trading app. Additionally, subscribe to our web site to be invariably notified concerning new software from this industry. For live reviews subscribe to our Youtube Channel or FB Page. https://www.immediateedge.org/ https://www.facebook.com/immediateedge/ https://www.pinterest.co.uk/immediateedge/ https://twitter.com/EdgeImmediate https://www.instagram.com/immediateedge/
(Under Construction, last updated: 08/16/20) Q: What is Nucleus Co-Op? A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbituCgu3Bc Nucleus Co-Op is a free and open source tool for Windows that allows split-screen play on many games that do not initially support it. The app was originally created by Lucas Assis. Zerofox later took over and added a ton of new features and improvements to support a lot more games. Ilyaki later joined in and brought multiple keyboards/mice support and more great features to the table. The app is currently being developed and updated by these devs: Lucas Assis, Zerofox and Ilyaki. R-mach too for making and supporting the website that hosts the Nucleus Co-Op scripts. Also the further development of the app wouldn't have been possible without all the amazing contributions and hard work from the SplitScreen Dreams Discord members (which include the devs mentioned above) that made all the new Nucleus Co-Op scripts and continue to make new discoveries and scripts to support even more games, among them: Talos91, PoundlandBacon, dr. old.boi, Pizzo and many more. Q: How does Nucleus Co-Op work? A: Essentially Nucleus Co-Op opens multiple instances of the same game (some games require mutex killing for that, among other methods) that will only answer to one specific gamepad (we do this via Nucleus Co-Op custom xinput dlls or xinput plus dlls) and connects those instances via LAN or steamworks online multiplayer emulation (Goldberg Emulator), all while making sure all the windows have focus so they can be playable with gamepads or that the instances are playable even in the background. Nucleus then resizes, removes borders and repositions the games windows so you can have synthetic splitscreen to play locally with your friends. Q: Which games can be splitscreened using Nucleus Co-Op? A: There are a lot of supported games, all mentioned in the list above. A ton of games are now supported thanks to the amazing program called Goldberg Emulator, developed by Mr. Goldberg, a big thank you to him. Read the Goldberg FAQ if you want to know more. Q: Where do I download Nucleus Co-Op? A: You can download latest version from Github. Download the compiled .rar release, don't download the source code zip if you just want to use the app. Q: How do I use Nucleus Co-Op? A: Here is a quick video tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWmvz59i-o0 1.- Download and exctract Nucleus Co-Op (extract using apps like 7-zip or winrar). 2.- Open NucleusCoop.exe. 3.- Click on Download Game Scripts, search for a game in the supported games list and download a script. You can also see all available scripts from the app now by pressing the view all option. 4.- Once the script has finished downloading you will get a prompt asking if you would like to add a game now, click yes if you want to add it now, if you select no proceed to step 6. 5.- Next you need to find where your game's executable is located. If you're not sure, try Googling 'where is (game) installed' and just search for the .exe in the place they tell you to look for. For Steam games this is usually something along the lines of 'C:\Program Files\Steam\steamapps\common(game)'. Some games will have their real .exe stashed away in a folder called 'bin' or 'binaries'. Once you choose the right .exe, add the game. 6.- You can also automatically add games, click 'Auto-Search' and select the drive and path you want to add games from. 7.- Once your game is added, select it in the Nucleus UI and drag the gamepad icons to the splitscreen layout, click on the top-left icon on the layout corner to change the type of splitscreen layout. You can also use multiple monitors, if you have multiple monitors connected they will show in the Nucleus UI. 8.- Finally press the arrow in the top right corner then click play and you are ready to go. Q: Where should I place the Nucleus Co-Op folder? A: Nucleus Co-Op can be placed almost anywhere(Documents, Downloads, Desktop, etc.) except inside the game files. Q: How do I play with an uneven amount of players (such as 3 players) without having an empty space? A: Right click on a section of the splitscreen layout. Q: Nucleus Co-Op doesn't launch, how do I fix it? A: Here are a few things you can try: 1.- Try updating your Microsoft.net framework, and install/reinstall Visual C++ 2010-2017. 2.- Make sure your antivirus program is not blocking Nucleus Co-Op or deleting any of its files. 3.- Run Nucleus Co-Op as admin. 4.- Restart your PC, and try again. Q: Does Nucleus Co-Op have any malware? A: Absolutely not. Q: I wish to help out with the project, how can I get in touch? A: Join the Nucleus Co-Op discord community or contact us here in the subreddit. Q: When support for X game? A: Not all games are easy to splitscreen, if you want to suggest a game make a post with the title [Request] Name of the game and provide useful information like if the game supports LAN or dedicated servers, if it is available on Steam or in other services, if it uses external servers for online, if it has gamepad support etc. Also you can contact any of our experienced Nucleus scripters here or in the Nucleus Co-Op discord and ask if a script is possible. The main scripter is the OP of this post for instance. Remember that Scripters are limited by the games they own and can test on, so if you really want support for a game to be added consider donating the game to the scripter in question. Q: How do I know when a script gets updated? A: Scripts updates are always announced in the Nucleus Co-Op discord server in the channel scripts updates. Q: How do I create my own splitscreen script for Nucleus Co-Op? A: Here is the documentation, open the .js file with notepad to read it. You can also use the other scripts you download from Nucleus as reference, they get downloaded to the Nucleus scripts folder. If you create a working script or if you have any questions about Nucleus scripting you can ask us in the Nucleus Co-Op discord or here in the subreddit, we can help you improve your script so it is fully working for sharing with the community. Q: Does Nucleus Co-Op work on Linux/Mac? A: Nucleus Co-Op depends on a lot of Windows functions and APIs, at the moment it only works on Windows 7 and Up. If you are interested in porting Nucleus Co-Op to other operating systems please feel free to contact any of the developers. Q: Where can I report a bug/issue? A: Note that Nucleus Co-Op is a tool in development and still in Alpha. Expect bugs, glitches and weird things to happen. Help other people not have these things happen by checking for a solution here and submitting a [BUG REPORT] to the reddit as a new topic or in the comments here, if no-one else has brought it up. Make sure you have read the script notes in the Nucleus UI very carefully first before submitting anything. A good [BUG REPORT] looks like this: Thread name: [BUG REPORT] Simon falling off horse BUG: Simon falls off his horse. EXPECTED: Simon should not fall off his horse, right? CAUSE: I'm pretty sure it's because I have my computer plugged into an auto-blow. STEPS TO REPRODUCE 1.- Open up Simon Stays On His Horse: The Interactive Video Game of the Movie. 2.- Choose Co-Op and join with another player. 3.- Simon falls off his horse!!! TYPE: Severe! The gameplay can't continue if Simon isn't on his horse! (Alternatively, Minor if the gameplay can continue but it's just annoying) NUCLEUS OPTIONS: I played with 2 players using the vertical splitscreen (left and right) on one tv and 2 famicom controllers. I'm using the latest version SYSTEM: I'm on Windows 3.1 with 4MB of RAM, a 2KHz CPU and no graphics card, playing on a projector. She's a monster. I'd really like this to get fixed please thanks magic man! -Beanboy" Keep in mind most scripts are made and tested using the latest legit steam versions of a game, so provide information about what version of the game you have. Also provide a debug log of the NucleusCoop error or crash, enable the debug log in Nucleus UI settings and save, the debug log will be created in Nucleus root folder where the .exe is. You can also ask for support in our discord. Q: Why is Nucleus Co-Op resizing the game instances incorrectly/the instances look stretched? A: Try setting your monitor scale to 100% in your monitoTV resolution settings. It is also highly recommended that you add custom resolutions to all your monitors from your AMD/Nvidia/Intel panel (For example if you are using a monitor resolution of 1920x1080 add custom resolutions like 960x540, 1920x540, 960x1080, ect.) that way most games will be able to see and use those custom resolutions and the splitscreen will not look stretched(Example). Note that not all games support custom or ultra widescreen resolutions. Also try disabling the Nucleus status window in Nucleus UI settings. Q: Why is Nucleus Co-Op throwing an error message that it can not find a file when launching a script? A: A lot of scripts edit the game's .ini or .cfg files to force windowed and to adjust the game's resolution to the window size, so make you sure you run your game at least once and change some graphic settings before running it via Nucleus Co-Op, that way you make sure the proper config files are getting generated first. If you are still getting the error after doing that, select the game in the UI, click on Game Options and select Delete UserProfile Config Path for all players. Also try disabling the Nucleus status window in Nucleus UI settings. Q: Where are my Nucleus Co-Op save files located? A: Some scripts save to the Nucleus Co-Op enviroment folder located in C:\Users\YourUser\NucleusCoop, you can access each game save file via the Nucleus Co-Op UI too, select a game, click on Game Options and select Open UserProfile Save/Config Path. Other scripts just save in the same file path your regular game saves to. Q: Why are my in-game frames per second low/better in one instance than in the others when using Nucleus Co-Op? A: Remember that Nucleus Co-Op opens multiple instances of a game, so depending on the game this can be quite demanding for your PC, to improve FPS and performance try reducing graphics settings like textures and shadows, limit the FPS or unfocus all the game windows so that they get equal priority and the FPS even out, you can do this by Alt-Tabbing to a different window like the Nucleus app window, the game windows will still remain on top, you can also press the windows key+b in your keyboard to unfocus all instances. Q: My Playstation/generic PC controller isn't working/isn't being detected by Nucleus Co-Op, how do I fix it? A: Most Nucleus Co-Op Scripts only detect Xinput gamepads. Controllers that work best are Xbox 360, Xbox One and Logitech game controllers for minimum hassle. There are a few scripts that also support Direct Input gamepads but Xinput gamepads are generally easier to restrict to a specific game instance than Dinput gamepads. If you are using PS4 gamepads try the app DS4windows, look in the settings for an option called "hide ds4 controller" - make sure it's ticked. To ensure it's definitely running in exclusive mode make sure ds4windows is set to load on windows startup, then turn your controllers on while windows is loading. Download the latest version here - https://ryochan7.github.io/ds4windows-site/ Read more about how to use exclusive mode here: https://github.com/Ryochan7/DS4Windows/wiki/Exclusive-Mode-(Hide-DS4-Controller-config-option)-tips-and-issues If you are using generic dinput gamepads the app XOutput is also useful to emulate xinput gamepads. The app X360CE version 4 that creates virtual Xbox 360 Controllers inside your Windows operating system is also very useful to emulate xinput gamepads system wide. Remember that some games detect both dinput and xinput gamepads so even if you are emulating a xinput gamepad the input could still not be restricted correctly because the game is now responding to both the emulated xinput gamepad and to the native direct input of your gamepad, that is why some apps like DS4windows have an "exclusive mode". Also do not place x360ce xinput dlls in the Nucleus Co-Op files as this might interfere with Nucleus custom xinput dlls. If you are using steam controllers try this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy4F2eqTXQ4 Q: Why is my keyboard not showing in the Nucleus Co-Op UI? A: If a script is only showing gamepads and not keyboard icons that means the script only supports gamepads and doesn't support keyboards and mice in splitscreen yet. Q: There are many keyboards and mice icons in the UI, how do I know which ones to use? A: If you press a key in the keyboard you will use or move the mouse their corresponding icons in the Nucleus Co-Op UI will light up yellow. The app can detect keyboard macros that is why sometimes you will get multiple keyboard icons. Q: Can you play splitscreen+LAN in different PCs? A: Yes, if you run the game via Nucleus Co-Op in different PCs you can connect all instances you launch via LAN, for example you can have 2 players playing vertical splitscreen in one PC via Nucleus and connect to 2 others playing Nucleus splitscreen in a different PC via LAN. If the script uses steamworks multiplayer emulation you'll have to change the instances steam ids in the other PCs you'll connect to, otherwise the instances launched by Nucleus will use the same steam ids and won't be able to connect to each other. For that you can open the game script .js file in Nucleus scripts folder in the other PCs and add for example Game.PlayerSteamIDs = [ "76561198134585131","76561198131394153","76561198011792067","76561198043762785" ]; that will change the default ids of the first four instances you open in one PC via Nucleus Co-Op. Q: This project is Amazing where can I donate? A: We don't have an unified donation platform yet but you can support the devs individually here: Zerofox, Ilyaki, Lucas Assis. You can also donate to our main scripters that make the games scripts for Nucleus: Talos91/blackman9
Binary Options Review; Best Binary Options Brokers
Binary Options Review; Best Binary Options Brokers We have compared the best regulated binary options brokers and platforms in May 2020 and created this top list. Every binary options company here has been personally reviewed by us to help you find the best binary options platform for both beginners and experts. The broker comparison list below shows which binary trading sites came out on top based on different criteria. You can put different trading signals into consideration such as using payout (maximum returns), minimum deposit, bonus offers, or if the operator is regulated or not. You can also read full reviews of each broker, helping you make the best choice. This review is to ensure traders don't lose money in their trading account. How to Compare Brokers and Platforms In order to trade binary options, you need to engage the services of a binary options broker that accepts clients from your country e.g. check US trade requirements if you are in the United States. Here at bitcoinbinaryoptionsreview.com, we have provided all the best comparison factors that will help you select which trading broker to open an account with. We have also looked at our most popular or frequently asked questions, and have noted that these are important factors when traders are comparing different brokers:
What is the Minimum Deposit? (These range from $5 or $10 up to $250)
Are they regulated or licensed, and with which regulator?
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Can I trade on my mobile phone and is there a mobile app?
Is there a Bonus available for new trader accounts? What are the Terms and
Who has the best binary trading platform? Do you need high detail charts with technical analysis indicators?
Which broker has the best asset lists? Do they offer forex, cryptocurrency, commodities, indices, and stocks – and how many of each?
Which broker has the largest range of expiry times (30 seconds, 60 seconds, end of the day, long term, etc?)
How much is the minimum trade size or amount?
What types of options are available? (Touch, Ladder, Boundary, Pairs, etc)
Additional Tools – Like Early closure or Metatrader 4 (Mt4) plugin or integration
Do they operate a Robot or offer automated trading software?
What is Customer Service like? Do they offer telephone, email and live chat customer support – and in which countries? Do they list direct contact details?
Who has the best payouts or maximum returns? Check the markets you will trade.
The Regulated Binary Brokers Regulation and licensing is a key factor when judging the best broker. Unregulated brokers are not always scams, or untrustworthy, but it does mean a trader must do more ‘due diligence’ before trading with them. A regulated broker is the safest option. Regulators - Leading regulatory bodies include:
CySec – The Cyprus Securities and Exchange Commission (Cyprus and the EU)
FCA – Financial Conduct Authority (UK)
CFTC – Commodity Futures Trading Commission (US)
FSB – Financial Services Board (South Africa)
ASIC – Australia Securities and Investment Commission
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Bit of a pickle. Self medding with no checks, how can I go legit?
I am in my early 40s, married, two children. I have had gender dysphoria since I was six. I have dreamt of being a woman all my life, but on the other hand I can’t see myself ever being one. I think I am more non binary, my gender identity is more “not man”. I dress androgynously in a tomboyish way, if I wear skirts then I feel like a sick joke which makes my dysphoria even worse. I don’t pass and I don’t think I ever will, and I don’t see myself ever widely coming out. Last year I realised this wasn’t going away and decided to self med hormones for a short period to see how they felt. I didn’t get the overall feeling of rightness that some trans women get, there were some emotional ups and downs, but on balance I felt better. I stopped for a while and had a NHS general health check, blood pressure etc which was all fine. I restarted self meddling in January and have continued ever since. My body has started to change and I love what is happening, though I am getting a bit concerned that soon my breasts will be too big to hide. I am at tanner stage 2 already. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I notice I look a tiny bit more fem and I feel joy. I really don’t want to stop, and stopping makes me feel horrible anyway as the testosterone kicks back in. But often the enormity of what I am doing hits me, I am actually turning into a woman, my lifelong dream. It feels great, but it is also terrifying. I haven’t told anyone what I am doing. Covid has made me realise that I am dependent on expensive drugs from abroad with uncertain supply chains. At the end of the year a non deal Brexit is likely, which will make things even harder. I am also aware that self medding is incredibly dangerous, I am setting myself up for all sorts of nasty health problems. I intended to get my levels checked, but I haven’t even done that due to Covid. This is not sustainable for any longer. I have a problem, I am hooked on drugs, but I am not sure what to do about it. NHS is not an option due to long waiting lists and I suspect they wouldn’t take me anyway. I am non binary ish, I have no plans to transition socially. Same goes for Gendercare, their website says they prefer you to be full time. GenderGP do a more informed consent which might be an option, but I get the impression they are a bit of a mess at the moment. What shall I do? Should I stop taking hormones before I damage myself? How can I get checked out in the UK? Is there anywhere I can go legit? Are there any organisations who can help me? TLDR: non binary, been self medding with no checks for a few months, I want to continue but terrified of health risks. How can I go legit in the UK under Covid?
[D] Hacking a Higher-Order Conditional Random Field (CRF) for sparse NER/sequence-tagging
TrainingData: A few hundred natural language queries to be converted into structured inputs for a downstream system. Each sentence is annotated with 3 tag layers, representing different (orthogonal) things we need to extract from the queries. The model so far: Pre-trained transformer at the base, 3 prediction heads each one is a bi-LSTM + CRF. We are using Tensorflow 2.0 with the poorly-documented CRF layer add-on described here:
The CRF layer actually makes a pretty big difference in performance (compared to a basic dense prediction layer), but it's missing a critical feature. The tags we are trying to predict tend to look something like this (for one of our NER-like layers, using BIO tagging):
B-PER | O | B-PER | I-PER | O | B-PER | O | O | O | B-LOC | O | B-LOC | I-LOC
If I understand CRFs, they only track binary transition probabilities, so a tag sequence like the following could be predicted even though it would never exist in our training data:
B-PER | O | B-MISC | O | B-GPE
A vanilla CRF would be happy with this because B-PER->O is a common transition, O->B-MISC is a common transition, B-MISC->O is common, etc. Even though each triplet is exceptionally uncommon. The CRF does succeed at keeping B-/I-/I- sequences consistent, but fails at keeping broader sequences consistent. I have read about higher-order CRFs. But there is very little out there for actually doing it. Further, we are a two-person team, and the convenience of the TF2.0 CRF layer is saving us a ton of time compared to layering multiple pieces of software during training and inference. SO, are there any reasonably-quick options to hack regular regular CRFs into handling triplets (or longer)? Some ideas:
Convert all tags to 2-grams. if the the tags of a sentence are [W, X, Y, Z], convert that to [_W, WX, XY, YZ]. This might work, but I haven't fully thought through the complexities of manipulating logits vectors into this higher-order representation during training and inference (and I feel like there may be a fatal flaw trying to do this at inference time)
Maybe 3 CRFs - one for tags[:], tags[::2], tags[1::2]. But how to combine them?
I could remove the Os from the final output, but those are predictions as well. The CRF is partially responsible for determining if something should be an O at all, so I could be removing legit tags.
CW: Biphobia, potential NB-phobia, swearing I'm biphobic and I don't know how to shake it. I'm trying to find books, articles, video essays, anything to help me work through this but I can't find anyone trying to engage with these points seriously. I know they're super painful and uncomfortable for many queer people in the same way that talking about non-binary identities and trying to "defend them logically" with cishets is asking for some super painful and uncomfortable questions that we might not even have good answers to, but I genuinely want to do better and I think the only way to do that is for me to ask these questions and engage with them...I know how that sounds and all the dogwhistles it sets off but I promise I'm being legit. so, I'm an AMAB Gay Man(?...still up to debate on that last one) and, like a lot of queer folk, I've got some history with bisexual people. So...of course, cis bisexual people are oppressed from both the Oppressive Systems and the LGBT+ community. They're too gay for the straights and too straight for the gays basically. It's not a great position to be in - I sympathize with that. However....and I know I'm about to fall into a fallacy of anecdotal evidence but...every single cis bisexual man I've ever known (and many bisexual women, but I know a number of women who do not fit this) has said to me "I could never be in a serious relationship with a man." When I've asked them to extrapolate, I hear "I could never tell my family about it, and so therefore I could never bring a man home, and therefore I could never be in a serious relationship with a man." Whenever I hear this, my gut reaction is to say that therefore they do not suffer from the same kinds of oppression that other queer people without a choice have to face. Every queer person has had to deal with the consequences of telling their family that they are queer. If you have the privilege to choose not to do that, then you're not in the same group here. You're just not. You didn't have to hear your parents crying and sobbing like maniacs because they feel like they've failed for having A Gay. You didn't have to field all the strange and uncomfortable prying questions about your sex life from your goddamn grandmother. You never faced the harsh reality of being kicked out because your family's ideology means more to them than you. And why? Because you can choose to avoid it and still live happily doing so. You do not and will never know the pain of having to choose between someone you love and societal acceptance because you have an option that doesn't betray your inner sense of self AND is in accordance with societal norms. This is not to say that cis bisexual people who HAVE told their families and have brought a same-sex/NB partner home fall into this same category. On the contrary - if you've had to deal with that crap, in my book (whatever lack of weight that carries), you're as queer as the rest of us and I have 0 problem with them being in queer spaces. My problem is when people who have benefited from oppressive systems of heteronormativity, who choose to continually benefit from those systems to avoid dealing with the struggle of every queer person, enter queer spaces and tout themselves as just as queer and oppressed [EDIT: should read "just as queer and oppressed in the same ways"] as the rest of us. I asked about this in a far less informed and much more inflammatory way on FB and got rightfully dogpiled and since then I've been trying to do as much reading on the subject as I can but nothing I've found addresses this point in a satisfactory way. I figured coming here was a good idea? I literally made this account to ask this question "anonymously" in a queer space, I've never used Reddit before except to read RPDR spoilers (i'm basic I know), but anyway please let me know if y'all have anything for me to read/watch/listen to I'm genuinely interested in learning! EDIT: So, I've been doing some more thinking/reading, and I realized now that my point might be construed as me trying to exclude cis bi people from queer spaces which is NOT my goal. Also to clarify, my ire isn't towards cis bi people in straight passing relationships. My issue is with cis bi people who are either in a straight passing relationship and/or single who are only willing to engage with the community on a superficial (sexual) level but when it comes to considering queer people as human beings - someone you'd want to spend your life with, someone you'd bring home to your family - it's another story. This bothers me deeply because of the long history of queer people being relegated to the shadows for "sexual deviancy", being used for sexual gratification the whole time, and then being burnt at the stake for it the next day by the very people who used you for gratification. One of the Hungarian politicians who voted to outlaw Trans identities was just "exposed" for having a trans woman as a mistress. If he were to come into a queer space and start talking about his experiences as a queer person I'd chase him tf out. Similarly, if a cis bi person says "I could never be in a serious queer relationship," I read that as internalized homophobia that I want to educate away. Personally, it touches on a raw nerve because of men I've been involved with who, when given a chance to choose between societal acceptance and a meaningful queer relationship, chose the former. It made me feel used. I felt like I was a fuckhole that was easily discarded. It felt like three months of my life, a relationship in which we shared some really personal things, had some really beautiful moments - just thrown away because it would mean having to deal with what every other queer person has no choice but to deal with - coming out. This is not to imply in ANY way that closeted queer people are not queer. They are. Nor is it saying that only engaging with the queer community for the purposes of having queer sex is not a valid queer experience. It is. The difference is that those are the exceptions - not the rule. For those people to enter queer spaces and speak on queer experiences [EDIT: should read "and speak on queer experiences to which they cannot relate"] as someone who actively benefits from oppressive heteronormativity is just...I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. If I heard the "I'd only date straight because I don't want to come out to my family" thing or a variant thereof from a cis bi person, my gut reaction was stated above. My next move would be to try to educate them on why that is an expression of internalized homophobia and how it is harmful to the whole queer community. If they doubled down, then I'd get a little "GTFO BOOTLICKER" action and probably have to write an apology email but I'd stand by excluding that kind of attitude from queer spaces. SECOND EDIT: So I realize my point about coming out of the closet was poorly made and even more poorly worded so hopefully I can do better this time - When I said "Every queer person has had to deal with the consequences of [coming out to their family]" and then continued with a worst-case scenario of that, I failed to say that the severity of those "consequences" does not, imo, bear any weight on the validity of one's queerness or queer experiences or "claim to oppression" (which, I agree is silly to think of as a zero-sum game but I realize now I didn't make that clear). What I meant to say is that every queer person has had to contend with the question of "societal acceptance" (which often implies familial acceptance) VS "inner sense of self." Many cis-bisexual people who are currently in the closet and/or in a het-passing relationship have to contend with that question, I'm not trying to question their queerness in any way and I'm extremely sorry for being vague about that and for any hurt that caused any person reading this. When I meet a cis-bi person who actively thinks/says "I would never date queer, but I'm happy to fuck queer", I want to know how I should interact with/interpret that. Is it malicious? Internalized homophobia? A symptom of being closeted that sometimes has adverse effects on queer people around them? All of the above? Some? None? Again, it just makes me feel icky because of the long history of queer people being pushed into the shadows, used for sex, and then turned on by the very people who used them for sex the next day...I hope this was clearer!
The Binary Book Scam extorted millions from many naive investors and scammed them
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Hi guys, Here are the results from the height survey! overall, there was roughly ~230 male and ~30 female respondents. As height is distributed normally, I tried (my best) to overlay a normal distribution bell curve for comparison purposes. That being said I'm no statistician so take the graphs with a grain of salt. INTRO My initial background thoughts coming into this little study would be that there would be an above average response among taller guys, and shorter gals, the opposite of what AraAra often portrays. This is because AraAra is at the end of the day is a fantasy, and like all other fantasies, we all want what we don't/can't have right? It should be noted that I am personally a tall dude (6'2") so that explains the bias. CHARTS/ANALYSIS Guys GUYS The male chart is not very normally distributed, and is somewhat right skewed, although there is a slightly higher than expected response among taller folks. I can think of two possible reasons for this.
Short guys are actually into AraAra. This would make a lot of sense, although it's the opposite of what I initially theorized.
There was a large amount of underage respondents who are still growing. I definitely should have accounted for this, and if anyone wants to continue studying this take note. Makes me feel kinda old but its cool. This would also explain why there is a below expected response from "average height" dudes, at around 5'9.5".
Gals GALS The female chart is a bit harder to consider, as there was only ~30 responses. More respondents would result in more legit results, but I think its enough for some basic analysis. I think that the only thing that really stands out here is the number of responses from the >6'0" gang (slay btw). Much like for the guys survey, it makes sense there are more taller girls, as it is what AraAra portrays. I guess I should have made more options for >6'0", but even so based real results from the average population, girls 6' and taller should be 2 standard deviations away from the median, which should be roughly <5%, which is NOT what we're seeing here. CONCLUSIONS My initial survey was created rather quickly and without much thought, so I'd say the results were a mediocre success, but better results could be achieved with some easy fixes. More height options, more gender options (Assigned vs. Preferred gender, Trans, Non-binary[sorry about that 😅]), more responses would help a lot, and even nationality/race. I think if anyone was interested to further study this, use a better survey method than 2 straw polls, and considered the above. Other than that, this was a fun little study. I love geeking out about small/dumb things like this. And as always, hit that like button, hit the bell for notifications, and leave your comments and hate mail below! Or in my dms I'm so lonely aha. Just don't say anything about the graphs, I had no clue how tall to make the bell curve, I spent like 30 minutes learning how to use gimp for them shits and ik they suck lol. TLDR : lots of short (maybe still growing?) guys, lots of tall girls, but girl results are inconclusive
Not a question, this is a write-up for any trans girls living in Auckland, New Zealand since when I was looking online last year I couldn't find any info
(EDIT: I AM STILL ACTIVE & ABLE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. I know a shit-ton more than I did 5 months ago and if I don't know something I can ask on the Gender Bridge or Trans and Intersex NZ FB groups for you. idk if this post is archived but you can DM me and I'll respond & then add it to this post) (Update 25 July 2020: Lena's HRT got through customs - only two people incl. me have ordered so far and both got through today - took 2 months. Payment is via sendmoney24.com) (Update 26 July 2020: I got progesterone, scroll down for details) so this is my experience, with as many details I can remember. i am a binary(ish?) trans woman, so obviously my experience will be different but they're apparently really good with gender diverse & non-binary folks too. I was also over 18 when I realised I was trans so if you're younger it's probably going to be very different.
I told my GP mid-April that I was trans and wanted to start HRT, she asked me for my preferred name (but actually updating my name in their system seems to be a different process that might be harder, I will ask her about it next time), and then sent in a referral to Auckland Sexual Health Services. if you're at uni, GP appointments there cost something like $20-25. something I didn't do at this point was reach out to local LGBT orgs & add myself to FB groups in retrospect I should have done this because throughout the whole process I felt really alone. either that or finding a therapist / counsellor to confide in. also ask your GP for a blood test form for your hormone levels so you have a baseline (ASHS will test them later on but you can't see it)
getting an appointment with ASHS took about 3-4 months. they will send a text to your phone 1-2 months and give you a list of possible appointment dates, then a confirmation text 1 month before the appointment asking whether you still want the appointment. spaces are really, really limited.
my appointment was in Greenlane, & with Dr Jeanie Oliphant. if you can't get a lift there look up multiple bus routes in advance, I very nearly fucked this up & missed my first appo.
in the first appointment - which like everything else is free - they will probably 1. give you a blood test form 2. ask if you want to freeze sperm 3. ask you some general questions about your sexual history, mental health background, how you experience being trans, etc., 4. discuss some possible hrt options 5. give you some forms to complete relating to fertility preservation
then they will schedule an appointment with a counsellor,. mine was in mangere which was a significantly long drive. they will make you do two appointments with the counsellor, the first 1 month after the 1st appo, and then the second a month after that. if your appointment is in the morning they might open 15-20 mins late, but maybe that was just the one time.
honestly i kind of did the 'cis baby talk' thing where i described my experience as a trans woman in the most unambiguous & stereotypical way possible to maximise the chance i'd get hrt, but in retrospect that was probably unnecessary. they're working on an informed consent model so don't worry about it i guess
you shouldn't be worried about how the counselling session will go, the office is kind of cramped & weird but it was very non-judgemental & the guy made it clear to me that the point of the sessions was evaluating mental health & managing expectations around hrt - not "decide whether or not she can have hrt". just be prepared to talk about yourself
the actual date I got the prescription for HRT was late December, so if you haven't processed your thoughts about your gender yet & you can't afford to go private then get a referral from your GP ASAP, do the processing in the meantime, & if you decide against it you can always cancel the appointment. this wait-time is shorter than other countries but it felt like a stupidly long time, especially because I hadn't found an antidepressant regimen that worked for me yet.
T-blockers: they offer you Lucrin injections, Zoladex implants, or cyproterone tablets. I went with the cyproterone (12.5mg a day), but I want to switch to Lucrin since it's apparently the gold standard.
estrogen: they offer you progynova tablets and estradot patches. they will start you on 50ug/day for patches and 2mg/day for tablets. push for higher amounts one month in, prescription guidelines say to start you on the lowest amount. with progynova tablets you can suck the coating off and dissolve it under your tongue which has 6x higher availability, but Dr. Powers' presentation said to start by taking it orally (swallowing it) to mimic the higher estrone (E1) levels (not E2, estradiol which is the pills & the patches) that girls have when they start puberty. I'm trying this
you can see the max amount subsidised here: https://www.pharmac.govt.nz/2020/02/01/Schedule.pdf. for estradot this is 100mcg day, two patches a week. for more of that, all I know is that the Greenlane Hospital pharmacy charges $55.10 for 24 (3 months supply = max they can give you) but other pharmacies charge more or less. You can google "pharmac estradot" for the pharmac cost, all the pharmacies mark up from that. for progynova you can get theoretically as much as you want, but the 2018 Guidelines for trans healthcare only go up to 6mg, but you can argue for 8mg by just saying you want to try it out - if you're young ask about the risks of deep vein thrombosis, that will kind of force your practitioner to do a mental risk/reward calculation that comes out favourably for you.
if they schedule another appointment in 3 months, your prescription probably won't last until then. Dr. Oliphant told me to text Jove the fax details of my local pharmacy or clinic to get a new prescription.
install a pill tracker alarm app to your phone to keep track of when to swap patches/take pills.
a month in ask your GP to give you a blood test. my e levels were super low & I wasn't absorbing anything from my patches (one 50ug/day patch, rotated every 3.5 days) when I placed them on my stomach, so I used micropore surgical tape I'd ordered from Aliexpress to tape down the edges securely (otherwise you get a lining of lint and hair and shit idk) & placed it on my bum instead of my stomach, which lead to less wrinkling. judging by my better mood this seems to have worked but I'm getting another test to see whether this made a difference or whether I'm just a non-responder to transdermal patches (???)
anyway this is where I'm at right now. I'm planning on switching to progynova, taking 4mg divided up through the day to start off with, and switching to a private provider. list here: https://genderminorities.com/database/medical-surgical/transgender-healthcare-providers/ on the off chance someone else living in nz looks up what the process for hrt is like in new zealand i hope this helped & i can answer any other questions edit: 15 june update with info I've collected together Progynova dose: I've been on progynova for like...4 months now. Got my dose increased to 6mg instead of 4 with absolutely no issue, didn't have to pay anything. Since I was also on boron it was more like 9mg? or 10mg? Dr Oliphant wrote a paper on trans healthcare that suggested going above this is unnecessary so I'm imagining I'll get resistance if I try to push the dose higher, but I'm planning on asking since there's no harm. Switching to sublingual: I switched to sublingual 5 days ago (and I should've done it earlier, my boobs were stuck at tanner 3.5 for a while). 1mg at 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 7pm, then oral at 10pm since I cbf. Someone recommended to crush them into powder but I found that unnecessary. Split them in two and it takes five. Pill cutters from Aliexpress are less than $4, they're a life-saver. Once you suck off the coating, they dissolve completely under your tongue in 14 minutes. The first time I did it, I swallowed a lot but it was a learnable skill and the longer you avoid swallowing the easier it becomes, what I do now is: swill water around in my mouth for 30 seconds to stop saliva production, don't put anything in and try to stop swallowing reflexively for 2-3 mins which means you'll get the reflexive swallowing over and done with, and then put the pill in and start doing ocused in-out deep breathing (I'm sure there are more tips, look up "how to stop reflexive swallow"). Since I got diagnosed with ADHD ritalin has made this 100x easier for some reason, could be partly salivation inhibition as a side effect, could be better focus and self-control. Maybe neurotypical people find this whole thing much easier. Overall changes: Okay I'm getting Boron: Obviously this is still experimental blah blah blah etc. etc., I got boron from iHerb like 4 months ago, I compared around 5-6 different sites with different shipping policies and a LOT of different brands and the cheapest per unit was [this](Now Foods, Boron, 3 mg, 250 Capsules) at 7.7c/capsule, realistically 23c a day (9mg was the point at which I got really noticeable breast tenderness w/o changing my e dose at all), currently it's Source Naturals Triple Boron since the other one is out of stock. I considered buying boron from Alibaba (USD$23/kg) which is literally a thousand times cheaper but that requires talking to people and negotiating and shit. Maybe a long-term option. If it goes well I will list the supplier I ordered from. EDIT: so according to this post, boron doesn't do much unless you're taking a lot of e already. check out their chart Progesterone: So I'm on the Genderbridge FB group (really should've joined ages ago) and there are at least two people who have managed to get utrogestan prescriptions from their GPs. A few more with progesterone creams. My GP said go to the specialists and the clinic said no. So I'm going to find someone else and if that's not possible I'll try get progesterone creams since amazon4health says 90% of unauthorised pills get caught. Not sure about vials. UPDATE ON PROGESTERONE: Oneroa Accident and medical ctr gives out progesterone. Make sure to speak to Dr Michael karetai or Dr Isla Karetai or Dr Margaret Karetai. They do phone consultations, $70 if you're not registered and you're over 18, details on their site, much lower if you have a community services card. Further update: Dr Margaret Karetai is the absolute best. If you have done the research, then she will trust you. Be clear about exactly what you want. She is very nice and I got utrogestan 200mg and bicalutamide 50mg!!!!!!!!!! Note: pharmacy costs vary a lot, ask for your utrogestan prescription to be faxed to your nearest Chemist Warehouse (cheapest option) since it's not subsidised. The cost is here: https://www.chemistwarehouse.co.nz/CWH/media/Documents/CWNZPrescriptionPricelistNov2019.pdf right now it's $24.99 for a pack of 30 100mg pills. If you're doing Dr Powers' 200mg regimen this comes out to $600 a year. Kind of steep but this is what I'm doing until I've finished negotiating with Alibaba suppliers and getting the powder tested at a harm reduction place (forgot what it's called.) If I find a good Chinese supplier, I will do a full write-up as another post, with instructions and prices & link it here. DIY options
According to Amazon4Health, 90% of pills don't get through Customs.
You can get estrogen implants now, imported from Adelaide, there's at least one GP who does them. Ask on one of the trans FB groups. Comment for more details.
You can get injections legit if you have a letter from your GP. Comment if you're interested, I can give you the whole procedure.
The two non-prescription EV sources I've interacted with that ship to NZ are Lena and otokonoko. Otokonoko is pricier but their shipping is faster and they do refunds if it doesn't get through customs. However, they seem to only take bitcoin & other crypto at the moment which is tough since NZ's regulations make it difficult to get bitcoin, none of the major markets allow NZ. Might have changed since I last tried 6 months ago, though. DM me your results so I can add them here & expand our pool of collective knowledge
Regarding SRS and other surgeries
Orchiectomy - 100% free, and according to other people the waiting list is around 3-6 months long.
SRS - probably better to get it done privately in Thailand or something, the current 'waiting list' is 15 years long.
Breast augmentation is regarded as "cosmetic"
Regarding electrolysis and laser
If you're nearby I recommend Julie Martin for electrolysis. Electrology is kind of expensive, for her it's $90 for a 1 hour session if you can tolerate up to that much and it doesn't go that much lower. Apparently another option is combined electrolysis+laser, you start with laser, wait 6 wks, go to an electrologist and get whatever's left cleared away. Some laser places are doing a 50% discount right now, and they cheapen it if you pay for all your sessions at the same time upfront. Not sure, this might take longer overall, not sure about permanence.
I'm using a home IPL kit for body hair, brand is Bosidin.
Please help. I flashed a combination file and can't flash a stock ROM back using Odin
I have an ATT Galaxy G950u with my most recent firmware being g950usqs7dtb. I flashed a combination file (g950usqu7ask1) to get rid of the OEM unlock so I could install Havoc, but now I can't get Odin to flash any stock ROMs back to install TWRP. The main error I'm receiving in Odin is FAIL! (Auth). I figure it's because the bootloader is locked, and I can't downgrade now? I'm going crazy. I've tried all kinds of ROMs but I can't find my original ROM anywhere except some shady site that definitely isn't legit. When I boot into Download/Odin mode the numbers next to RP SWREV are B7(22.214.171.124.1) k6 S7 The error on my phone is SW Rev Check fail: (ab)) Fused 7 > Binary 1 I've tried various versions of Odin as well. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Edit: Sorry I realized the firmware I posted had a number missing g950usqu7ask1 Edit 2: Thanks to the amazing u/OptionalCookie probably need a carrier free (XAA) or ATT firmware that is binary 7. The problem is it's so recent I can't find any binary 7 firmwares out there. If anyone can help I would be so grateful.
[LONG] My Story of Disillusionment with and Disappointment in the World and Myself
Intro. This might be a long one. I hope someone reads the thing, I put like 3 hours into writing it. A brief story of my life and how it all led up to this moment, where I am disillusioned with my self-image, my life choices, and certain aspects of the world, and have no idea what to do next. Warning: this whole thing might be a little depressing to read. Childhood. I am a 20yo Russian male. During my childhood, I was made to believe that I am capable of doing something great and doing better than anyone. At the same time I developed a very non-conformist life stance and very often rejected things and ideas simply because they were too popular for my taste, and I couldn't feel special whilst enjoying them. Of course, in turn, society rejected me, as it does with anyone who doesn't play by the rules. Oh well. My only redeeming quality was that I considered myself pretty smart. Which is even easier to assume, when at the same time you think that you're different from everyone else. Now, I know that to some extent, I was indeed smarter than most people in certain areas. Unlike most people I knew back then, often with bare minimum efforts I was able to maintain near perfect grades at school. I was also enjoying learning new things and reading more than an average person. So, let's just say, I had a basis to assume I was a smart dude. I wasn't happy and content with my life, though. I never had real friends, because I only hung out with people when they were my classmates/roommates/co-workers, and after we parted ways, I rarely if ever contacted them afterwards. I always enjoyed doing things you usually do in solitude more, because when I was alone, I wouldn't be afraid that someone could hurt me for being different. Because of that, I was never in a romantic relationship. High School. Still, life was going okay. By the end of school, I kind of accepted my social deficiency and I wanted to focus on improving the world and become a successful person - for myself. I was facing a dilemma, though. Despite the fact that I was doing great in school, the idea of having to invest four years of my time into studying something really specific, and then having to work another 20-30 years on the same job was terrifying, because I had no idea what I liked to do! Nothing seemed interesting to me, I didn't have a passion for doing anything... Thanks to my video game addiction, which made me lazy as fuck, probably. I also needed to meet my criteria for success with my future job, which included being financially successful. I grew up in top 1% income family, so... I always felt the pressure to outperform or at least match my parents' income. Enter trading. My dad discovered investing several years ago (we don't live in US, so most of the people aren't as financially savvy, so he never thought about investing before then). I was always curious about financial independence and markets, but now I was seeing it all done in front of me, I realized that it might be a good opportunity to make a lot of money and become successful without being socially adept, which is something absolutely required in business or politics. So, I asked my father to open a brokerage account for me in the US, and started swing trading (trading in weekly/monthly time frames). I could only trade slow and small because of the trade restrictions put on accounts <$25k and <21yo in the US. Still, it was going well, but in hindsight I was just lucky to be there during a great bull market. Even before I thought trading and more importantly investing were the ways smart people make money. I thought simply because I was conventionally smart, I had a talent or an innate ability to pick innovative stocks and do venture investing when I grow some capital. I truly believed in that long before I was introduced to financial markets, I believed that my surface level understanding of multiple areas of cutting edge and emerging technology would give me an edge compared to all the other investors. US Community College and Return Back. In the end, I've decided I want to go to a US community college and study finance and become a trader and later an investor, but I didn't want to work for a fund or something like that (lazy ass). I wanted to use my knowledge and skill and my own money to grow my net worth and make a living. I didn't really like the process of trading, I just needed the money to live by while I was trying to figure out what else to do with my life. Because I thought I were smart, I thought this would come easily to me. Boy was I wrong. From the nicest of conditions in my hometown, I was suddenly moved into a foreign setting, on the other side of the planet away form my family and mates, with a video game addiction and laziness that ruined my daily routine and studying as well. The fact that I didn't like my major was not helping. My grades fell from A- in the first quarter to C+ in the last. I gained +30% from my normal weight. I was stressed out, not going outside and sitting at my computer desk for days at a time, skipping all the classes I could if they were not absolutely essential for my grades, living on prepared foods. I never got out of my shell and barely talked to anyone in English, all of my friends were Russian speaking. I wasted an opportunity to improve my speaking, although aside from that my English skills satisfy me. By the end of community college, last summer, I was left with B grades that wouldn't let me transfer anywhere decent, and the extreme stress that I put myself through started taking a toll on my mental health. I was planning to take a break and go back to Russia for several months, and transfer back to a US uni this winter. Needless to say, you can't run from yourself. It didn't really become much better after a few months in Russia. I didn't want to study finance anymore, because it was boring and I was exhausted. I still had the video game addiction, still was lazy and gained some more extra pounds of weight. I was not sleeping at all, extremely sleep deprived for months. Because of this and lack of mental stimulation I started to become dumber. And all that was happening where I didn't really have to do anything: not study or work, just sit around the house and do whatever I wanted. Turns out, these conditions didn't help me to get out of the incoming depression. Finally, around November, when I already sent out all of my transfer applications and already got some positive answers from several universities, I knew I didn't have much time left at home, and I had to leave soon. But I really, really didn't want to go back. It was scarier than the first time. I was afraid of new changes, I just wanted for the time to stop and letting me relax, heal... I was having suicidal thoughts and talked about it with my family and my therapist. They were all supportive and helped me as much as they could. But I was the only person who could really help myself. If I wanted to breathe freely, I had to admit defeat and not go back to the US to continue my education. It was extremely hard at first, but then I just let go. I decided to find a temporary job as an English tutor and give myself time to think. Then I remembered that I had a bunch of money in my trading account. I still thought that I was pretty smart, despite failing college, so I figured, why not try move it to Russian brokers who don't have trading restrictions, and do it full time? Which is exactly what I did. And I started to study trading all by myself at a fast pace. I was now trading full time and it was going sideways: +10% in December, -20% in January. Then, something incredible happened. I was already in a shitty place in life, but I still had some hope for my future. Things were about to get much worse. I'm in the late January, and I discovered for myself that the whole financial industry of the world was a fraud. Brief Explanation of My Discoveries. In the image of the financial industry, there are several levels of perceived credibility. In the bottom tier, there is pure gambling. In my country, there were periods when binary options trading and unreliable Forex brokers were popular among common folk, but these were obvious and unsophisticated fraudsters who were one step away from being prosecuted. There are also cryptocurrencies that don't hold any value and are also used only for speculation/redistribution of wealth. There is also a wonderful gambling subreddit wallstreetbets where most users don't even try to hide the fact that what they are doing is pure gambling. I love it. But the thing is, this is trading/investing for the people who have no idea what it is, and most people discredit it as a fraud, which it, indeed, is. These examples are 99% marketing/public image and 1% finance. But these offer x10-1000 returns in the shortest time span. Typical get-rich-quick schemes, but they attract attention. Then, there is trading tier. You can have multiple sub levels here, in the bottom of this tier we would probably have complex technical analysis (indicators) and daily trading/scalping. I was doing this in the DecembeJanuary. At the top would be people who do fundamental analysis (study financial reports) and position trade (monthly time frames). Now, there is constant debate in the trading community whether technical analysis or fundamental analysis is better. I have a solid answer to the question. They work in the same way. Or rather, they don't work at all. You'd ask: "Why you didn't discover this earlier? You were in this financial thing for several years now!" Well, you see, unlike on the previous level, here millions of people say that they actually believe trading works and there is a way to use the available tools to have great returns. Some of these people actually know that trading doesn't work, but they benefit from other traders believing in it, because they can sell them courses or take brokerage fees from them. Still, when there are millions around you telling you that it works, even a non-conformist like me would budge. Not that many people actually participate in the markets, so I thought that by being in this minority made me smart and protected from fraudsters. Lol. All it took for me to discover the truth is to accidentally discover that some technical indicators give random results, do a few google searches, reach some scientific studies which are freely available and prove that technical and fundamental analysis don't work. It was always in front of me, but the fucking trading community plugged my ears and closed my eyes shut so I wasn't able to see it. Trading usually promises 3-15% gain a month. A huge shock, but surely there was still a way for me to work this out? Active investing it is! The next level, active investing, is different from trading. You aim for 15-50% yearly returns, but you don't have to do as much work. You hold on to stocks of your choice for years at a time, once in a while you study the markets, re balance your portfolio, etc. Or you invest your money in a fund, that will select the stocks of their choice and manage their and your portfolio for you. For a small fee of course. All of these actions are aimed at trying to outperform the gain the market made as a whole, and so called index funds, which invest in basically everything and follow the market returns - about 7-10% a year. And if I ever had any doubts in trading, I firmly believed that active investing works since I was a little kid (yes I knew about it back then). And this is where the real fraud comes in. The whole Wall Street and every broker, every stock exchange in the world are a part of a big fraud. Only about 10-20% of professional fund managers outperform the market in any 15 year period. If you take 30 years, this dwindles to almost nothing, which means that no one can predict the markets. These people have no idea what they are doing. Jim Cramer is pure show-business and has no idea what's going on. Warren Buffet gained his fortune with pure luck, and for every Buffet there are some people who made only a million bucks and countless folks who lost everything. Wall Street. They have trillions of dollars and use all that money and power and marketing to convince you that there is a way to predict where the stocks are going without being a legal insider or somehow abusing the law. They will make you think you can somehow learn from them where to invest your money on your own or they will make you believe that you should just give it to them and they will manage it for you, because they know how everything works and they can predict the future using past data. They won't. They don't. They can't. There are studies and statistics to prove it countless times over the span of a 100 years. But they will still charge you exchange fees, brokerage fees and management fees anyway. And they also manipulate certain studies, lobby where and when they need it, and spread misinformation on an unprecedented scale, creating a positive image of themselves. And everyone falls for that. Billions of people around the globe still think it's all legit. Passive index investing is the last level. You just put your money in the market and wait. Markets will go up at a predetermined rate. If there's a crisis, in 10 years no one will even remember. Markets always go up in the end. But passive index investing can only give you only 7% inflation-adjusted returns a year. Not enough to stop working or even retire early, unless you have a high-paying job in a first-world country. I don't. Despite all that, to put it simply, this is the only type of investing that works and doesn't involve any kind of fraud or gambling. It's the type of investing that will give you the most money. If you want to know why it is like that and how to do it, just go to financialindependence. They know this stuff better than any other sub. Better than investing, trading or any other sub where non-passive-index investing is still discussed as viable strategy. Back to me. My whole being was fucked over, my hopes and dreams and understanding of success and how this world works were shattered. I realized, I had no future in financial industry, because only middlemen make money in there, and I quit college needed to get there. Frankly, I wouldn't want to work there even if I had the opportunity. The pay is good, but the job is boring and I wouldn't want to be a part of this giant scheme anyway. But even if I wanted to go back, I also couldn't. Russia is in a worsening crisis and my parents could no longer afford a US university and now with coronavirus it's even worse. Good thing I quit before it all happened. I learned a valuable lesson and didn't lose that much money for it (only about 10% of my savings). God knows where it would lead me if I continued to be delusional. But now that my last temporary plans for the future were scrapped, I had no idea what to do next. The future. With the reality hitting me, I would lie if I say it didn't all come full circle and connect to my past. I realized that I was stupid and not intelligent, because I was living in a made-up world for years now. But even if I were intelligent, pure wit would not give me the success and fortune that I was craving, because trading and active investing were a no-go for me, and business/politics require a very different, extroverted mindset, different education and interest from my own. My only redeeming quality in a hopeless introvert world, my perceived intelligence was taken away from me and rendered useless at the same time. Besides, failing at that one thing made me insecure about everything and now I think of myself as an average individual. So, if 8 out of 10 businesses fail, I shouldn't start one because I will probably fail. And if most politicians don't get anywhere, why should I bother? If average salary in my country is X, I shouldn't hope for more. I stopped believing in my ability to achieve something. First, I failed at education and now I failed... Professionally? I don't know how to describe it, but my life recently was just an emotional roller coaster. I just feel like a very old person and all I want calmness and stability in my life. I was very lazy before just because, but now I feel like I also don't want to do anything because I feel I would just fail. It feels better now I don't have to worry about trading anymore and I got rid of that load... But I am still miserable and perhaps worse than ever, maybe I just don't understand and feel it because I've become slow and numb. The only positive thing that happened to me recently, is that I finally started losing weight and about 1/4 of the way back to my normal weight. As for my future, am looking at several possibilities here. So far the parents are allowing my miserable life to continue and they let me live with them and buy me food. I don't need anything else right now. But it can't go on like this forever. The thought of having a mundane low-paying job in this shithole of a country depresses me. I will probably temporarily do English tutoring if there's demand for such work. My old school friends want me to help them in their business and my dad wants me to help him in his, I and probably should, but I feel useless, pathetic and incapable of doing anything of value. And business just seems boring, difficult and too stressful for me right now. Just not my cup of tea. I am also looking at creative work. I love video games, music, films and other forms of art. I love the games most though, so I am looking into game dev. I don't really like programming, I have learned some during school years, but the pay would probably be higher for a programmer than an creator of any kind of art. However, I think I would enjoy art creation much more, but I don't have any experience in drawing and only some limited experience in music production. And I am not one of these kids who always had a scrapbook with them at school. Having to make another life choice paralyzes me. I am leaning towards art. I don't feel confident in my ability to learn this skill from scratch, but I think it's my best shot at finding a job that would make me happy. So perhaps, when this whole pandemic is over, I'll go to Europe and get my degree, get a job there and stay. American Dream is dead to me, and Europe is cheaper, closer, safe and comfortable. Just the thing for a person who feels like they are thrice their real age. Outro. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Special thanks if you read the whole thing, it means a whole lot to me, an internet stranger. But even if no one reads it, feels good to get this off my chest. I actually cried during writing some parts. Holy shit, this might be the longest and smartest looking thing my dumbed down head could manage to generate since college. I hope that you're having a great day. Stay healthy and be careful during this fucking pandemic. All the best.
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